He was asking me for input because he’s frustrated with his forward progress – not as fast as he would like, and sometimes not as steady. He was telling me a bit about what he’s doing and how he’s marketing and how he’s feeling about it all.
What struck me – and I know this subject intimately, because baby, I’ve been there (!) is that he’s feeling one thing and saying another. My rock solid belief is that what you’re feeling permeates whatever you’re saying, no matter what words you choose.
Somehow, especially if you’re talking to other people in the business context – prospects, clients, business partners, customers, you name it – you have to get your head and heart aligned. If you don’t, no matter what you say, what comes through is what’s in your head.
It’s why I’ve never cared for the fake it ‘til you make it concept. People know when you’re faking it and who wants to do business with a fake? If you’ll lie to me about you, you’ll sure lie to me about me!
That doesn’t mean you can’t get work done and be effective unless you’re feeling beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt great. You just have to learn how to work effectively with your own mind. No small feat, I know – believe me!
I teach people to get a new story and release your emotional charge around the old one. The story is as much for you as the rest of the world. Let me use ‘aforementioned guy’ to illustrate what I’m talking about. He does several things – one of them is that he’s a network marketer. He’s frustrated that his business isn’t growing as fast as he’d like. It’s hit a plateau. My advice to him was to stop talking to people through the filter of the anxiety he feels about how fast it ISN’T going. Instead, focus on something he feels really good about – the company, the products, the potential and talk with that in mind.
Suppose someone asks him how it’s going for him – the new story can be along the lines of: It’s been going OK, but last week I decided to take it to another level – I’m very excited about that and I’m looking for some strong partners that I can help be successful and really increase my business in 2010. Nothing more. It’s a new story. Or the story might be: It’s going well, and I’ve decided to really ramp it up this year – I’m putting more focus and attention on building this income stream and I’m excited about that. Here’s how you might fit in….
We often think telling the truth (and we Americans are known for often telling too much of what we’re feeling anyway…) means revealing what we’re feeling at the core of our being. We think unless we do that, we’re being inauthentic. No. You’re telling the truth – but you don’t need to show your fears and insecurities. Be real, tell the truth and make your truth the story you see and visualize and want to embrace. If you can master that, your life, your business and your paycheck will inevitably follow suit.